Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
