I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
