Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
