at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
