i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize