During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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