We're like a lot better than the average bears
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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