why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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