Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
