1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
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we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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