Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
