Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
