he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i want to swaddle you in tequila
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
