We had to coat check the pizza.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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