the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
