I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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