the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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