Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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