did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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