He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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