I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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