Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
