Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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