Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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