ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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