My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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