There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
