I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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