chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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