Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
