maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
