if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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