it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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