He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
