ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize