They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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