Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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