from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
