I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
