The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
