Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
