so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
