True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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