This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
