i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
