Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
