You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
