I need help removing her.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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