I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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