Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
