I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he fucked my hip out of place.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
