So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
