I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
