I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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