? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
