drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
