so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
