I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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