Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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