If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
