Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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