I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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