if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
