Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had to cum in my sink.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
