there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Text me some of your sweat
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