btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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