So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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