I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize