Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
